I am officially on Year 26 of my diet plan and I’ve decided it’s not working for me! I’m pretty sure that it wouldn’t work for anyone – that is apart from my bestie school friends, twins just to make it twice as bad, who had the metabolism of a hummingbird.
(If you’re not Ofer with the metabolic rate of this tiny little beauty, here’s some facts from www.natureformysoul.com)
Hummingbirds have the fastest metabolism of any animal on earth. Their metabolism is 100 times faster than that of an elephant! Hummingbirds are also the tiniest birds in the world. Their brain consists of 4.2% of their body weight; the largest in the animal kingdom!
They would daily, knock back two hotdogs in a roll that would give a professional eater a run for their money! Chuck on some fries, beans and a slab of chocolate pudding for afters and they’d start right there. As I’m a massive sheep, I did the same! The only issue with this for me was, I am not a hummingbird, I’m a slug!
Fast forward 35 years and I think it’s time to become a hummingbird.
Replacement Food Shakes
Tried those but I’m not sure my family would survive another stint of crazy, sweary, hyper (due to the ketosis and the fact that my body was actually eating itself) salivating, Mum. I licked things no one should lick, sniffed people eating, planned covert manoeuvres to extract food from the kids chins should they miss their mouth! Those demonic packets of powder should be avoided!
This didn’t last either. I went, I lost, I got clapped and cheered; back patting happened, hugging (people I have never met) all of this on the second week because I was the chosen one, the star loser in more ways than one! Quite frankly, the only thing i’d lost was the ability to sneak in, SAS style, get( humiliated) weighed, slither out undetected! If that isn’t an incentive not lose weight the next week, I don’t know what is.
I tried diet pills back in the day too. It seemed quite normal to rock up to a secret, shady looking door down a back alley, to be ushered in by a very wired, overly chatty assistant who was chewing gum so fast her lips were blurred. You was then weighed, given a wedge of tablets (basically speed) and told to return the following week. Week 2, IF you actually survived the week and didn’t get arrested for head butting anyone who dared to mention the D word or for innocently commenting on the break-neck speed you were walking around the library at, then you could happily hand over your next four billion quid and move closer to your dream new you; which was the deranged, slightly slimmer insomniac you’ve always aspired to.
The message here kids is this.
A. Dont diet
B. Eat healthy
D. Yoga and meditation for your mind body and soul
E. Love yourself
http://www.myfitnesspal.com is great for keeping track of calories and nutrition