What chuffing day is it?????

It’s Monday, or is it Thursday? What bloody day is it??? I Really just want to know if it’s an acceptable day to have a nice glass of gin this evening – a slither of cucumber, a splash of exotic tonic with fragrances of the Mediterranean wafting up my nose? Now I know we shouldn’t be promoting drinking (someone remind me why?) more than the weekly safe limit but come on ‘WHO’ we need to up the limit, just for lock down please…. then I can convince my children that It’s actually ok for Mummy to get shit faced at least three times per week!

It’s now 12:44 and I’m laying in bed and I haven’t even attempted to leave! I’m watching the Goonies with ,Blu, whilst youtube searches are as follows:

1. How to get rich quick now!

2. A girls guide on how to build a bunker in a day, out of decking boards.

3. Quick and easy gin cocktails.

Blu boy is googling:

  1. How to dry and spice his slab of meat – simple, no multi tasking just one serious subject! 

‘Blu my darling, shall we stay here all day, just like when we were young’

‘I don’t think that’s a good idea Nelly, the goonies has nearly finished and I have to prepare my meat for tenderisation’

‘Maybe I could tenderise it for you, my hunky husband’

‘No Nelly, it’s a very tricky process which needs research and skill’ 

Now, if I wasnt sooooooo comfortable, I’d have pushed the request for a bit of ‘hows yr father’ (it doesnt happen very often with two chadults and a small one on constant nooky alert) but I was quite happy wallowing in my 900 count cotton sheets with no guilt and nowhere to go. I’m staying right here, as quite frankly I am absolutely sick to death of cooking 47 different meals per day!!! I have a body builder eating chicken and rice in variations of flavours and side orders , a flakey vegetarian who will only eat meat if there’s a ‘day’ in the week and, lolly, who is never hungry when anyone else is because she’s constantly stuffing chocolates in her pie hole! 

I’m cleaning, cooking, entertaining, shopping wearing a mask that would have Zoro leaping for his sword! I’m  armed with a bottle of four parts bleach, a pack of wipes and I look like i’m going to fumigate the local sewers on every, scary trip! I’ve had enough today! Today, I’m not cooking frustration with a side of exhausted – there’s obviously plenty of chocolate hidden in a safe place and some frozen fruit in the freezer for vitamins so get on with it my beautiful off spring! 

We need days where we just say, fuck it, I need some time for me! Even if it’s just twenty minutes, dear Gods, we need it!

Now, what I’m trying to keep hold of here, apart from my sanity and my head hair during our lock in ( the rest of my body is growing quite well so no problem there as usual ) is that we would never be creating these lovely indulgent moments if we hadn’t been sent to our rooms and on lock down. Don’t get me wrong kids, I’d much rather be at the local country pup guzzling a fizzy cocktail, stuffing my face with Yorkshire puddings and realising we’re far too pissed to drive the kids home on this beautiful Sunny weekday (still no idea what day it is)  but I’m not, I’m here with my beautiful, funny, extremely annoying, beyond filthy but oh so funny family and we’re safe, that’s where we need to be so why not do all these beautiful, gratifying and carefree activities! 

Let’s make memories of our luscious lockdown!

Play with our children; I would usually prefer to poke my eyeballs out with a spoon but ive found a new love for board games! I’m also enjoy my new found love of poker! The game of drinking gin and playing poker with all my family is quite the Saturday night treat because we’re all together having fun, actually sat at the same table, laughing, flinging insults and generally making some fab memories… Lolly has quite the poker face and sunshine, it has become quite apparent that he’s played way too much in the past and a pretty good hustler.

The board games, aka ‘bored games’ – I know I said i’m quite enjoying them but sometimes they can take me to the very edge of my medication! Pop that monopoly board in front of the family and woawwwww that’s the quickest and most effective way to get them straight  into the kill zone!!! We have cheating,  pausing to check phones, popping to the kitchen to stroke the dogs, they’ll even go off in pairs!!! This isnt advised if youve had a stressful day, maybe default to a puzzle.

We could actually have a convo with our husbands/wives, partners, better halves….. let’s face it, life is usually zooming by at a million miles per hour and we barely have time for meaningful conversations with our nearest and dearest’

‘Hey my wonderful husband, Blu,  fancy a coffee and a chat?’ ‘

‘Why, Nelly, what on Earth is wrong’ ‘nothing wrong Blu, why would you say that!?!?!?’ Just thought it’d be nice to actually talk to one another over coffee’ 

‘Have you been reading one of those groovy, love, marriage and codswallop guidance books again, if so they’re a load of bollox, Nelly’ ‘

‘Thanks for the chat Blu, really lovely, let’s regroup tomorrow same time, same place’

We baked various cakes and yes banana cake was on the menu! Why not, who eats the bananas anyway????? Thought so!

Do a Lycra clad workout with Joe wicks, we’ve loved it (if we wake up early enough) I’ve also been forced to do the insanity workout by the chadults and it’s not funny, infact it’s excruciating but the absolute bonus and what keeps me motivated, is the presenters wear very little clothing and sometimes even less when they get a bit sweaty so i’ll struggle along, hey ho…

You could Hold a zoom party with all the people you’ve been saying ‘ooh we must meet up’ with for the last five years, coz let’s face it, it’s the only time you will and you might realise that you actually could make more of an effort and have fun. Fiends are good for the soul once you find the right ones x

What I’m trying to say is; Make the days count and don’t count the days. Plan a cool day, even if that day is staying in bed and watching cheesy films, as long as it counts and makes you feel good.

We’ve had a family poker evening, in bad outfits… other wholesome activities are available!

Blu the hustler…


Don’t count the days, Make every day count!

Treat yourself to some ‘ME’ time

Set one goal, however small

Stay in touch with loved ones 

Do something you’ve been meaning to do for ages, you have the time!

 Don’t worry or stress about what anyone else is doing, let’s face it, people only put their best bits on social media, we never see the full picture. We’re all struggling in our own way so be kind to yourself, ALWAYS!!!

know that you’re ‘safe at home, not stuck at home’ A beautiful quote by #TerryWaite, humanitarian and Author.

Take care, love, light and hugs

Nelly x

bbc bite size have just launched daily classes for help with school work – https://www.bbc.co.uk/bitesize/dailylessons

P.E with Joe wicks https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCAxW1XT0iEJo0TYlRfn6rYQ

Comedy for a larf – http://cosmicshambles.com/stayathome

Theres lots of free stuff out there at the moment, have a google of your interests and get going…

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